$1.25, please
on my way home from the gym - religiously - i stop at my local bodega for a cup of coffee.no, it's not ghetto- this bodega i speak of.
it's rather beautiful.
and the man that owns it -my sweet Johnny - for all intensive purposes, is my hero.
sure, he's married.
sure, he told me about his pooping problems last week.
sure, he chats way too much - when i need to get home, shower, get purdy and get my honky ass to work.
but that man...
not only does he make an amazing cup of coffee...
*to make a lady swoon, at least me - one should be capable of making a stellar brew in the AM...
he makes me smile.
i dated someone last year, we'll call him The Jazzer...
The Jazzer made excellent coffee.
The Jazzer played the piano - played like nothing i've ever heard in my life.
The Jazzer was a good time.
until one day
The Jazzer admits to being completely crutched over a 36 year old woman he had broken up with 9 months ago.
The Jazzer was a ripe 29.
The Jazzer was tainted love. Oh, Oh.
The Jazzer was dating that woman since he was 23.
The Jazzer was, and probably still is, emotionally retarded.
so, i guess...
all one needs to do, to keep me around, is make a good cup of coffee.
i'll totally lose my shit.
it's not that hard.
and i guess being single helps.
and not so emotionally slow, that would undoubtedly be an additional bonus.
ah, one more thing...
The Jazzer never stopped talking about her.
The Jazzer was hooked.
The Jazzer told me i was beautiful (i almost chucked, for me and compliments do not bode well - i tend to turn inward like the awkward chubby girl who got her chair pulled out from underneath her giant ass every 6th period by larry torado - douche, i hope he's in jail. probably is. weiner.)
The Jazzer told me about the lady.
The Jazzer told me that he was her only partner, ever.
The Jazzer then described her as being: "ok looking enough."
another thing to take away from this....
you don't tell the person you're dating that you thought your ex was mediocre looking.
no woman wants to be mediocre looking; or described that way.
shit, maybe mo fo is now describing me as "ok looking enough."
i guess in the throws of passion, that's somewhat difficult to muster up: "oh, yeah baby - yeah - you're so, you're so - ok looking...enough."
i suppose (*repeat aforementioned oh,yeah baby - yeah - for emphasis, please*).
"you're beautiful," it cuts to the chase. makes you seem like a sweet little star. and the woman leaves feeling like she's a prize.
as opposed to her kneeing your kriz-otch and never touching your manhood again.
not to mention, after he made that comment,the bells of douchebaggery rang rampant in my head.
but then we had coffee, and it all seemed ok.
shit, i wonder if Johnny the coffee man is a douche too.
posted by tinamarie @ 7:11 AM
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