disturbing: capitulo tres
1. being on top during sex2. being on top during sex in the morning (natural light + morning after hangover face = disaster; for me at least)3. get me while i'm double d-ing (drunk and in the dark) - all body issues go out the window - one would think i was some sort of bedroom diva4. getting busy while watching a Disney movie5. making new year's plans6. thought nothing was better than the words douche baggery - until i was on the tele with the bestie and i came out with cock knockery*don't know that #6 is really disturbing - but i'm a chick and i say shit like douchey, vag, pussy corner - one might find it - well - disturbing. so, #6 is repping for bitches that find my language less than tolerable; thereby making it disturbing. *only my friends read this and, by now, they know that i'm nothing but a crutched up douchey ass guidette bitch.*happy new year
disturbing: part deux
1. getting old on the internet. literally, watching my own - and the age of others - increase over the years. i was once 22. i'm now turning 28. some dates seem like yesterday, but they really happened 3 years ago. time freaks me out.2. i make fun of short men. short men tend to like me; in all of my curvy and womanly glory. i think it might have something to do with being smothered or mothered - maybe both...i can't figure it out. i call myself a heightest - but the truth - i've deduced - is that i actually like a short man. apparently, i have some closet fetish for a smallish humping baby seal - if you will. it's sort of like how men make fun of fat girls, but in reality - they're aching to bang the fat girl. growing up, my next door neighbor made fun of me for being the fat girl. he ended up marrying a 6'2" big girl, that little lanky turd. it's all starting to make sense; to really come together. i think i'm understanding men and myself - a little more everyday.3. i was listening to jeff buckley in the shower yesterday. thank christ the lady bic was no where near me...as i officially decided that "lover you should've come over" is undoubtedly the most painful 6 minutes and 41 seconds a woman can experience while trying to cleanse and relax her inner being.4. about a month ago a co-worker asked me if he could have an extra ticket to take some girl to an event we were hosting. i said: "why'd you want want to do that? don't pussy corner yourself by bringing a date to the party. there's gonna be a ton of ass to be had." and have ass he did. now i'm grossed out that i gave such good advice.
disturbing...
1. men who put bare-chested photos of themselves on the interweb*i find it creepy*i just don't understand it*it's not sexy*let me go out on a date with you; and then i'll decide if i want to see you in all of your bare-chested glory2. i recently stopped eating meat, dairy, eggs - in an effort to balance my hormonal beast*it's working*i'm shocked*i'm happy*i wonder if i'll ever chow down on a piece of skirt seak ever again3. men, women and the word friendship*i'm completely confused*i'm not completely opposed*i'm sort of unaware as to how to be a man's friend at this point in my life; and how i'm supposed to deny carnal desire*i'm wishing it was all easier
