more disturbing tales...
2 Disturbing Tales:1. i love to wear dresses. i hate to wear underwear. i hate, more than underwear and bras, pantyhose. if i were to rule the world, asses and titties would be swinging 24/7 - 365, bitches. but, i don't - so we all live a life of being binded, in one way or another. i love that men think women in dresses are so sexy and lucious. i mean we are, and the aforementioned may be true if you're thin - but if you can't fake the funk on the chunk or if you're a normal braod who likes to be comfortable - there's nothing less sexy. i was getting dressed for work the other morning, and i don't know if it was the angle; or the fact that i was contorting my body in 90 ways to get some hosiery up my thighs - but it was not cute. and, by not cute...i mean if i have a date and i know there's any possibility i'm to get laid, i'm not wearing a dress or skirt with hose. unless it's summer...but then there's chaffing, and i'm sure i'll be talking about that in 2 months. i'll give it til april.
2. i was in h&m trying on skinny jeans. why? you ask...it's because i was looking for an early halloween costume and decided instead of going as wonder woman, i would go as a human sausage. those things are miserable. how the hell do people wear them? i slid them on, and by slid them on - i mean please refer to pantyhose rant - as skinny jeans are nothing but hot, swampy, denim woven hosiery...
i look ok when i'm all cased up...in a dress, in denim. try getting me naked and it's like fighting to remove the jaws of life. i had never, in my 27 years, experienced jeans being so tight around my ankles and entire calf region. it all seemed so wrong. illegal. like a bad nightmare. i imagined myself - all cuted up for a nerve date. the perfect lie, in my push-up bra - ass packed skinny jeans - and some high boots...only to be unwrapped savagely (and by that i mean dude is calling 911 to get back up - to back my junk out of these jeans so he can get some). not that heat of the moment unwrapped, but that awkward "oh my god, it's taking him forever to get me undressed and this is so not hot anymore" - kinda jam. that why am i doing this; why the eff did i wear this (can be equated with that feeling i get when i find myself at the gap at 10:30 on a monday morning because i thought some ill ensemble was a good idea - but i end up changing mid-day). if you're unfamiliar with this, good for you. if you have a belly, wear padded bras, hate pantyhose because they suck you in so much you now look like you're housing an entire bakery all up in your midsection - then thank you. thank you for understanding why it's so difficult to pick out that perfect date outfit and why i have no effing clue what to wear to work this morning...
posted by tinamarie @ 6:35 AM
2 Comments:
i miss you t-bag.
i am listening to jeff buckley too right now.
boohoo.
Hi there how are you? I was looking through your blog and found it interesting and wanted to leave you a comment.
I have an invitation for you to come and visit my art blog here in San Diego, and comment if you will.
I think that you may enjoy the various labels and music videos I design for my art blog, hope to see you here soon and take care :)
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